This blog has moved….

Posted 06/03/2010 by jefferyself
Categories: Uncategorized

…. to
www.jeffery-self.com

A new address

Posted 05/25/2010 by jefferyself
Categories: Uncategorized


I’ve recently fallen in love with Tumblr. I like its layout, what it can do, and just how pretty everything is. So…. I’m moving my blog to there entirely. Just type in http://www.jeffery-self.com

Be sure to notice the “-” in between my first and last name or else you’ll end up at the former jefferyself.com which is now owned by some sort of foreign travel website. I know nothing about foreign travel but something tells me they know nothing about season three of “Grace Under Fire”.

So… in reality…. both jeffery-self.com and jefferyself.com will have things to offer you but…. if its me you’re looking for go to: http://www.jeffery-self.com

See ya there!

free

Posted 05/21/2010 by jefferyself
Categories: Uncategorized


I haven’t blogged very much this week and thats because I got arrested on Monday.

Haha.

I’m kidding.

I WAS arrested but I totally had time to blog (more so really) I just didn’t feel like it because I’ve been spending so much time going to dog fights and pool halls with Chet and Tito, my cell mate buddies from the clink.

Okay. You’re right. I wasn’t arrested this week I just have been busily working on the next two episodes of ‘Jeffery and Cole Casserole’ and blogging time has gotten away from me. The whole getting arrested thing is just my fascination with the fact that Lindsay Lohan is apparently getting arrested this week because she’s at the Cannes Film Festival and doesn’t have her passport to come back to the US or something ridiculous like that. I feel bad for that lady and hope she works her shit out and finds what she’s looking for.

Last night I went to see this show thats playing in New York right now called ‘Everyday Rapture’ and in it, there’s a section about moving to New York and leaving home to make what you want for yourself a reality, no matter what. She tells the story of getting here… its own fascinating journey entirely…. once here, her depictions and first memories of this place are all very vivid and touching…. throughout the story of her first night here in Manhattan, one that takes her all over town until she’s watching the sun come up on that bench from ‘Annie Hall’…. she interweaves the gorgeous Harry Nilsson song ‘I Guess The Lord Must Be In New York City’…. which ends with the lyric…. “For the first time I’ll be free.”

I found it way powerful and moving. I couldn’t help but remember my own self and my own first night here…. out until the sun the came up….. standing on 48th street…. and thinking about how insanely different all of this is than my Dad’s backyard, where I’d stood in the soggy grass the night before.

I looked around me now at what was a nice spring night, with a cute boy, getting to spend all day working on something I feel so fucking excited about, getting to live here in this crazy place, and being aware when I love it and hate it and just need to take a nap…. and I felt very lucky….. and completely ‘free’.

I walked away last night feeling pride for getting here…. and hoping lots of other people who want to do the same will make that happen for themselves….. cause you can. No matter where you are….. be it Rome, Georgia…. Topeka, Kansas…. or stuck without a passport at the Cannes Film Festival…. get to where your heart wants to be and I think thats when shit starts to work out.

Free.

Jennifer Anniston.

Posted 05/18/2010 by jefferyself
Categories: Uncategorized

Fu Fu Fu Fuuuuuuuu

Posted 05/12/2010 by jefferyself
Categories: Uncategorized

New gal in town

The photo I’m considering for my book cover.

Posted 05/12/2010 by jefferyself
Categories: Uncategorized

A Little Too Much Of Something Isn’t Always A Bad Thing

rollin’

Posted 05/11/2010 by jefferyself
Categories: Uncategorized


Word up. It’s Tuesday. Woot Woot. Tuesday train pulling into the station. Uuuuuuuuuh huh. Hold onto your hat, son. It’s gonna get blown away by the Tuesday train. Aw shit. Hope it ain’t late cause if that shit’s late I’m gonna be late gettin’ to Wednesday Town. Aw. Naw. Here she comes. Here she comes. Tuesssssssday.

That was my way of avoiding writing anything substantial here because I’m feeling kinda groggy from the NyQuil I took last night. I had all these reallllly intense dreams that I’d gone out for a really big night out on the town last night. I was at some loud bar making out with somebody I wasn’t supposed to make out with and drinking way too much, which I knew was a bad idea because I’ve been sick. I woke up in my NyQuil haze assuming it had really happened and was mortified by the lack of memories I had of the night. The fears stayed with me even after I got up from bed and showered…. I showered considering the idea that maybe I HAD gotten up in my NyQuil daze and somehow found my way into a cab, going somewhere, and met up with friends I only knew in the middle of the night, and gone out to some wild, jungle-y looking club, and made out with that dude…. and made an all around ass of myself to the bartender (who lets say but comedic effect was played by Richard Dreyfuss in my dreamworld).

By the time I flossed my teeth, I was pretty much back on planet Earth and understanding the fact that I had dreamt my Monday night on the town but nonetheless…. it was a strange, stressful feeling.

I visited with a friend I hadn’t seen or really talked to in a while yesterday. It was neat to rehash the past six months of our lives. Made the issues of the past two weeks seems so silly and small. Can’t imagine what rehashing the past six years would feel like. We talked about the things, the big things, we’d been wanting and he reminded me of what our mutual friend Ashley always says, which is to put what you truly want into the universe and to be SPECIFIC.

I have a couple big things I want to happen in the next year. One main thing.I’m not quite sure how to make it happen or how to even begin imagining but it feels right, and possible, and real so last night right before my NyQuil kicked in and I started dreaming about the crazy night I was just sure I was actually having in real time….. I asked the universe for something very specific and I’m gonna continue doing so throughout this next year and I think that sort of specificity will inspire me, my sometimes lazy drive to be productive, my thoughts, and the universe to roll my world toward that desired direction.

So lets start rollin’.

What?!

Posted 05/06/2010 by jefferyself
Categories: Uncategorized

My weekend at Correspondents Dinner!

Posted 05/04/2010 by jefferyself
Categories: Uncategorized

The past two days have somehow gotten away from me and I’ve completely forgotten to blog about my weekend at The Correspondents Dinner in Washington, DC. I apologize for the delay but if my two day silence tells you anything…. it was QUITE the weekend. I suppose you have already heard some rumblings about what happened.

I hadn’t planned on going to the dinner this year. What with the new administration and the renovations of my new bathroom, I just decided this year would be best if I stayed home and watched reruns of ‘Wife Swap’ on Hulu like Joan London, Star Jones, and other people who no longer get invited do.

I’d cleared my schedule for the weekend to catch up on my DVR and eat my freaking brains out (no Zone diet and 8 Minute abs for me this weekend- JUST the DVR and a bag of Doritos!) when I got a text from Kim Kardashian. Texts from Kim Kardashian have led me into trouble before (I’m just NOW beginning to pay off the damage I did at the El Prado Museum in Madrid) but like a fool I texted her back because as my therapist as well as my mother tells me, Kim’s got me on a leash the size of a watch band.

She then went into pushy Kim mode and told me I simply HAD to come with her to the Correspondents Dinner. She said we’d make it a full fledged girlfriends weekend. Spa trips, buy some summer fashions…. Kim knows that all she has to say is ‘strappy sandals’ and I’m sold. Kim Kardashian knows me way too well. So before I knew it Kim’s SUV was outside and I was throwing whatever clothes I had laying around my townhouse into this reallllllly old duffle bag I’d gotten at a Gift Suite for the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards a million years ago. It was so long ago that Josh Hartnett had presented Best Movie and people knew who he was.

Kim slept most of the drive down to DC because apparently she’d had a big night on Thursday. Her details were foggy of what she’d done exactly but she did however have a burn the size of a grapefruit on her hand and Mickey Rourke hadn’t stopped texting her all morning.

We arrived in DC and checked into our suite at the Fairmont and Kim immediately started setting up our plans for the next forty eight hours. Friday night we stayed away from most of the political based events and crashed a party at Georgetown. Despite what you read in the tabloid columns yesterday, Kim and I did NOT get super drunk and make out for a group of eighteen year old boys in a hot tub. I don’t know how/where those rumors got started, or where those pictures (and viral video) came from but its simply bogus.

Saturday we sobered up (to be honest we really hadn’t slept- we just popped a couple Sudafed and Five Hour Energy Shots- Kim ought to be their spokesperson, she drinks them like they’re water or Chardonnay) and went to the WHC Garden Brunch. Talk about a starry affair. Gayle King. Chace Crawford. Kevin Jonas and his adorable new wife (who’s name I’ve forgotten but; honey, I’m serious about us doing ice cream sundaes at Serendipity and going handbag shopping sometime soon! Get my number from somebody!) It was a gorgeous afternoon and a really great hangover brunch (not sure if that was the chef’s original idea or not either way- Gayle King sure appreciated it too)

So of course Saturday night was the big dinner. Jay Leno made some jokes. Obama made some jokes. Justin Beiber was there pigging out on crab cakes like a pro. I wish I had something really crazy to report about what happened at the actual dinner but everyone was on pretty good behavior. That was…. until my incident with Kim.

I am not gonna indulge any of the speculations about what happened in the bathroom that night. What happened there was between Kim Kardashian and me. I will, however, tell you that the rumors of Kim and I having had our final falling out and our ongoing toxic relationship officially being over are true. I don’t wanna say too much without talking to my lawyers first. I’m flattered that this is the biggest story to come out of the Correspondents Dinner and honestly, a little shocked.

You’ll find out the whole story when you read my upcoming book about the weekend (Kim Kardashian and Me: Correspondents Dinner Freak Out. The True Story)…. coming out wherever books are sold in two weeks. I’ll also be sitting down with Larry King tonight and Oprah’s doing something NEXT Tuesday. I hope you’ll tune in.

But honestly guys, lets not let all this upstage the importance of the Correspondents Dinner and all the President had to say this weekend. We’re living in very exciting political times and I’d hate to see that overshadowed by my silly business with Kim or my upcoming book tour COMING TO A CITY NEAR YOU! Watch for my schedule in the coming days and maybe I’ll be in your town!

See ya soon America!

hooooollllllywooood

Posted 04/28/2010 by jefferyself
Categories: Uncategorized

Hugh Hefner donated 900,000 bucks to save the Hollywood sign this week. I have a feeling people are gonna argue that he should have given his money to a worthier urgent cause but I gotta say I find it really cool. Cole and I went out to LA for the first time a little over two years ago. The whole place was so fucking weird and wacky. I guess sorta like coming to New York if you’ve never been before. Except completely different in every way possible.

Every block reminded me of a movie or a movie star or a TV show or of the mere existence of Courtney Cox in general (that is… if she really DOES exist at all) (PS- she does. Its proven every week on ABC’s ‘Cougar Town’) (No really. That wasn’t a joke about Courtney Cox being a virtual hologram of her former self nowadays but a plug that you can watch Courtney Cox every week on whats surprisingly a pretty popular sitcom) (BTW- I have no problems with Courtney Cox or any of the ‘Friends’ cast for that matter…. in fact, I’m a fan) (Finally, do you have Google Alerts, Courtney Cox? If so- HEY!)

I found LA to be just as neat as it is weird. I was overwhelmed by the driving aspect. We drove a Smart Car around town one day and I literally cried for a good seventy five percent of that time. Not because of all those weird reminders of Courtney Cox’s existence but because I was so fucking nervous about driving in Los Angeles. In that cartoon tiny car. It was pretty frightening.

Every meeting we went to took place in an office covered in posters for movies and sitcoms that had literally been my religion growing up. We went to a party and ate cheese off the same plate as Dana Delaney. This town is NO fucking joke, y’all.

At various times, or rather a good percentage of the time, I was pretty intensely freaked out by the place. It was SO unlike home. SO unlike anywhere I’d ever been and overall just really weird. We happened to be staying at an apartment in West Hollywood and from the balcony we had an insane view of the Hollywood Hills along with it, the Hollywood Sign. It was magical, dizzying, and beckoning high atop the hill…. just below the observatory where they filmed ‘Rebel Without A Cause’ and every night Cole and I would stay up super late, sit on the balcony, drink wine, and stare up at the huge white sign.

There was one especially intense moment for me…. when I found myself looking at the whole situation; at Cole, at me, at the street below, at the Norma Desmond-esque houses lining the Hollywood Hills, and at that giant glowing sign framing it all. It was hard for me to wrap my mind around being there…. it was somehow different than my ongoing New York ‘Holy Shit’ moments…. there was something exotic and dreamlike about that place….. about that sign…. about the whole thing. You could smell TV and movies being made right across the street and that does something to a kid who grew up on Roseanne Barr and Lucille Ball.

I’m really glad somebody didn’t tear down the Hollywood sign and build condos…. cause I think it’d sorta screw with that kinda magic there. And I happen to think magic is kinda cool. Oh. And so are you, Courtney Cox.