2010


It’s 2010 weirdos. Lets get nutty. Mmmmm. I was thinking about how tasty pecans and soy milk would be earlier today. Just like a bowl of pecans, pour some soy milk over it, treat it like cereal, mmmm. So good I bet.

I have this ‘You Are What You Eat’ book that my friend Joseph sent me. I’m planning to read it tonight in preparation for healthier living in the coming weeks. I’m also setting a goal for myself to go to the gym at least TWICE this week. I’ve not been in quite a few months…. was it summer time? I DEFINITELY remember it being hot outside. And my body is feeling just plain old exhausted. Poisoned, hazardous, tired, gross. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I’ve been on an apocalyptic diet for the past few months of celebration. Celebrating what you ask?!

The fact that starting on February 2nd….
I am going to be teaching WORLD HISTORY at the University of Delaware!

Just kidding.

I’ve just been eating like a fucking lunatic.

Speaking of eating, having been, and being a lunatic…. my New Years Eve was great. (He didn’t mention ‘fucking’? you’re thinking. You’re right. I didn’t)

On New Years Eve my beloved friend Ben cooked a wonderful dinner for myself, Cole, Kenn, Matty, and Max. He made really great salad and really yummy lasagna and we drank lots of wine. I forced everyone to go around the table and pick out one memorable moment in each of the twelve months that made up 2009. We started with January and barely made it to July before most everyone but me (and Ben) jumped ship. I had a leg up because I’d made my list in the bathtub earlier in the day. Apparently, March and April of 2009 weren’t great months for me by the way.

The rest of the night was spent hanging out in Ben’s living room, listening to music, making each other laugh, indulging in all the things one indulges in during the holiday season, and it all felt lovely, relaxing, and swell. We kept the party going well into the night and watched the sun come up the next morning. I sat by the window and it was incredibly poetic and beautiful to see New Years Eve turn into New Years Day as the sun began to paint the streets of Williamsburg blue then yellow. I finally stumbled out of Ben’s onto Bedford Avenue around 7:30 and go into a car back to Manhattan. I was pretty out of it the wwhole time but I remember vivid images like a group of glamoured out girls standing outside a club on Bowery looking lost, confused, and stuck in 2009. I remember two men standing outside the deli near my apartment when I walked out of the cab, they were tweaked out, sketchy, spooky looking men…. and one of them said to the other: ‘I don’t know. My dealer only sells pills and even HE stops at this point.’ It was reassuring to know that no matter who you are, everybody has a limit. I fell into my bed around 8AM, closed the blinds, and willed myself to sleep. I woke up the next day, feeling….. like somebody is bound to feel on New Years Day…. dead, soar, groggy, Tolkien…. yet somehow full of energy, life, excitement, happiness for 2010, for the year past, for my friends, for my apartment, for my family, for everything. It was a perfect way to bring it all in.

Here’s my nugget I learned from the universe on New Years Eve and that I’m really gonna try to put forth in the new year. It’s not a resolution but an idea. Throughout my night on Thursday I had so many ups and lows….. not emotionally but energy and party-dom…. in some moments I felt that this party would never end…. that I’d be sixty years old and still celebrating in this moment, in that living room, forever and ever and ever and nothing sounded better. Then my exhaustion would settle in and I’d feel tired, I’d realize it was WAY past time for bed, and wayyyyy time to say good night. I kept forcing myself to ride it out and wait for another gust of energy. These ups and downs continued all night and into the morning….. and what it told me is something I’ve been told before but never really listened to and thats that life…. this new year…. and the ones to come….. is full of these moments in real time, in work, in love, in friendships, in whatever…. the moments of up…. the filming ‘Jeffery and Cole Casserole’ moments, the they just gave me four free scones at Amy’s Bread moments, the ‘holy shit, I’m gonna be on 30 Rock’ moments….. and then….. there are the darkest of dark moments….. where my jealousies overtake my being a good friend, or I feel so in debt that I’ll never get out of the hole, or that nothing I write will ever be as good as I want it to be no matter what I do or how hard I try so I might as well just go back to bed and sleep until I can make myself forget about it….. but what I’m going to bring in this new year, or try to at least, is the knowledge that these highest of highs and lowest of lows are all part of the ride. And though it might seem hard to conceive, these lows are just as important as the highs and if I can learn to love them both, to live in them both, and continue to be present to time…. no matter what…. then 2010 could really be nice.

Give it a try too. Pack up your baggage of ups and downs and hop on 2010.

Here we go.

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One Comment on “2010”

  1. jonnie.s Says:

    great insight – on the highs and lows – 2009 has meant new lows for many of us but some highs as well; one of them, for me, was finding your blog and performances. No matter what just keep going…


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