Get outta bed.
Okay here’s a universal wink for today. I woke up and went ‘Oh shit. My up is over and my low has arrived. Fuck.’ When my lows sink in I can physically feel it in my body. Its a distinct feeling. Heavy, electric, static-y, sink in my stomach kinda thing. It’s ugly and can get really really ugly. It can creep up on you like a slick serial killer tiptoeing behind you in an alley or can come crashing down like an Acme weight on ‘Animaniacs’ (BTW- did you know the Bernadette Peters used to do voice work on that show? I didn’t. Now you do) and today was sort of a combination of the two. It wasn’t quite there yet but I could just feel that it wouldn’t be long to set it spinning (stand the world on it’s ear)….. something stupid would set it off: getting jealous of somebody, getting mad at my checking account, having a sore throat, or something…. anything. It plays no favorites or nuthin’.
But you feel it and BOOM.
By the time I got out of the shower this morning, it had almost set it….. when I got on my computer it had officially set it. I started to take some breaths, telling myself to chill out, reminding myself of the idea I wrote about yesterday, trying to bring with me into 2010 that I have to ride the lows to get to the highs…. its all one Route 66…. and my lows are part of the trip to getting my highs (getting my kicks on Route 66…. Get it?!?!). So be present to this and accept it.
But that wasn’t working. Of course. Because an idea is only an idea if you don’t back it up with some real muscle or at least believe it.
So I did what I always do after an ugly low sets into me, I got back in bed. I closed my computer. I turned on SiriusXM to Rosie Radio and got back under my covers. All the usual feelings of guilt washed over me: you could be writing an entire fucking book today, that TV pilot you keep talking about, that movie that WILL PUT YOU ON THE MAP MOFO! None of those things are gonna happen if you’re laying in bed all day. It’s beautiful outside, sunny, embrace that. Why are you so fucking crazy? New York City. You live in NEW YORK- CITY. Do you realize that? Chill OUT. Go outside, be part of today, do something. It’s a mood. It’ll pass.
But the blanket goes over my face and I try hard to just…. fall back to sleep or doze off or think about rainbow sherbert will pecans in it.
This morning however not two minutes after I turned on RosieRadio she said she was going to commercial and what song begins playing? ‘There’s a New World Coming’ by the Mamas and the Papas. I literally laughed out loud at the winking of the universe. It wasn’t the face of God in my oatmeal this morning or even the face of Rosie for that matter but it definitely felt like the day going ‘Tough up, you douche and go on the fucking ride.’
I laughed at how ridiculous I can be, threw off the blanket and sat back down. Then I wrote this. Its not that movie or that TV pilot or a book…. but I did something, used my mind for ten minutes at least, and sat here, wrote some words, living in this moment….. and even if its just for this moment then thats something.