Up. Up. Up. Up.

Its Sunday night folks. Almost 1AM. And I’m feeeeeeeeeling good.

Why?

A combination of factors that have put me in an UP.

It actually feels a tad bit dangerous. Unlike just feeling a good mood… its a lot more closely linked to my manic behavior. A high within my brain chemistry. An UP. Which can feel scarier than a low sometimes. Where my heart is beating quick, I can’t stop smiling, and I’m full of this intense energy that is so overwhelming that I don’t know what to do with it…. so I sit down on my hard wood floor. Type Rick Nelson into Pandora. Let the men of another era croon through my eyes while I collage words that move me on a piece of cardboard.

Just riding it out.

Trying to stay present to it and know both its blessings and its dangers. The dangers being that at any minute this bubble of positivity could burst and I’ll come flying down from the sky like a feather off of one of the hats Irene Malloy is hocking in ‘The Matchmaker’ or ‘Hello, Dolly’ (queer)

But as of now…. this feather…. this mood…. this Irene Malloy… is up and about. Floating in the skies of positivity.

But here’s my check in with reality.

Its good to feel good. Really good.
Its bad to elevate this up to a higher level. To honor it as too much as a part of reality. Meaning…. enjoy this up but don’t give it too much power. Recognize it for what it is but if you let being up, being in an awesome up, looking at the street outside and going HOLY SHIT WHAT AN AWESOME, GORGEOUS, EXCITING DAY THIS IS…. if you put that up on a pedestal of sorts then when the pedestal gets undoubtedly knocked over the fall is gonna hurt a whole lot worse.

I, for one, can tell being in a good mood versus a manic up. Both feel good…. but one feels more out of control and scary. While sometimes I am my most productive and creative while on an up, I’ve come to learn that I need to step back from such moments, breathe, and go…. This feels REALLY good right now, but don’t put all your eggs in this basket, cause if you do, then they could get broken.

It can feel like a drug.

Enjoy your ups, honor them, but be aware that the power you give an up…. is gonna be equal to the power you give a low.

Or at least that seems to be the case for me.

Whatever your feeling; your up, your low, your ‘Hey, Jeffery. I just feel perfectly fine so CHILL OUT’…. whatever you’re feeling—– ride the wave, hold on, but be aware that you might get knocked over…. but if you do…. don’t worry…. you’ll be back up on a wave soon enough. And sometimes, a wave can doesn’t have to be so extreme…. an UP or LOW…. sometimes a wave can simply be nice and okay.

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One Comment on “Up. Up. Up. Up.”


  1. […] through his lows and appreciate the highs, but not over appreciate them. (He said it much better here). Now I’ve been a sufferer of mental illness for quite a while. It’s not something I […]


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