Sitcom Fan Fiction: HOPE AND FAITH (Part 2)


A Scene from: HOPE AND FAITH (Part 2)
By Jeffery Self

Previously on HOPE AND FAITH: Click here to read PART 1

When we return from commercial Hope (Faith Ford) and Faith (Kelly Rippa) are sitting in the kitchen with Hope’s husband, Charley (Ted McGinnley). It’s the night of the spring dance and they’re waiting on Sydney to finish getting ready. Faith is midway into telling them about her new boyfriend.

HOPE:
And where did you meet this guy?

FAITH:
The mall. And I know how sketchy that sounds. Believe me…. I’ve dated some REALLY creepy guys that I met in malls but…. this guy is SO sweet, so funny, so nice. I just…. I don’t know its the first real connection I’ve had with a guy since I broke up with Sam.

HOPE:
Granted, Sam left you for the guy that played Aladdin at Disney Land-

FAITH:
AND full grown Simba!

HOPE:
Come on Faith. Do you really think you should be jumping into a relationship right now?

FAITH:
(Annoyed)

I’m not jumping into anything. I am in the midst of a very casual, exciting “thing” with a very exciting, very cute, very lovable guy that I could see spending a lot more time with. Thats it.

HOPE:
I understand but-

FAITH:
But what, Hope? You don’t want me to happy? That’s all it is! You’ve got a husband so you think you win and you’re afraid if that I get one, you’re no longer on top anymore!

HOPE:
What?! No. I am just trying to look out for you.

FAITH:
Well I don’t need anybody looking out for me. I’m a grown up now. I’m not your baby sister that you can boss around anymore.

HOPE:
Fine.

FAITH:
Fine!

HOPE:
(About to get sick, running out of the room)

Fi- Oh God.

FAITH:
I hate playing I told you so…. but…. thats what you get for eating cheese somebody sent you two Christmases ago.

CHARLEY:
I tried to tell her. (Poking his head into the bathroom) Honey. I’m heading out to pick up Justin from soccer practice. Do you want me to pick up something?

HOPE:
(Appearing in the room again, dishelved, like someone who just puked her guts out: and that my dear readers, is because she did. just puke her guts out I mean)

A stomach pump, a gallon of Pepto Bismal, and a cork. It’s coming out every end!

CHARLEY:
Got it.

Hope stumbles back into the bathroom.

CHARLEY:
(Disgusted. Whispering to Faith as he exits)

Never get married, Faith. Its never the same. (Mouthing like someone on their way to death, as he closes the door) NEVER.

He leaves

FAITH:
Hope? Honey. Are you gonna be okay?

HOPE:
(Returning to the kitchen. A mess)

Eventually, yes. I’ll be fine…. over the years I’ve had food poisoning like it was my job.

FAITH:
Yea-

HOPE:
But really…. it was my job. Remember when I got hired to be the lap rat for that stomach medication?

FAITH:
(Surprised she forgot such a troubling memory)

Oh right.

HOPE:
I’ll be fine. But there’s no way I can chaperone Sydney’s dance.

FAITH:
Thats okay. Can Charley?

HOPE:
No. He and Justin are having a father/son night. They’ve had a lot of friction between the two of them ever since Justin caught me spanking Charley in his Little Bo Peep costume.

FAITH:
His what?

HOPE:
It’s a long story. Can you chaperone the dance?

FAITH:
Me?

HOPE:
Yea. It’ll only be a few hours and you just have to sit there and make sure no body sticks their hands up anybody’s skirts or lights up a joint.

FAITH:
Of course I can! I’d love to!

HOPE:
Yea?

FAITH:
Yea! I’m honored you’d trust me with the responsibility. You haven’t trusted me with anything since you went off to summer camp in seventh grade and I got to feed your gheco, Gwendolyn.

HOPE:
Yes and when I came back Gwendolyn had had her brains eaten out by the crickets you fed him.

FAITH:
(That was a buzz kill)

Oh. Right. (Back to her bubbly self) Well this won’t be hard. I’m great at school dances! School dances are like MY THING. Sydney? Honey! Are you about ready? I’m gonna be taking you guys to the dance. Not your Mom.

SYDNEY:
(From upstairs. Excited)

Cool!

FAITH:
I’m gonna run back to my room and change. Then lets get going.

Faith runs off to her room. The doorbell rings. Sydney comes rushing down the stairs in her dress for the dance. She opens the door. It’s her date, Chad…. who also happens to be the cute guy Faith met at the mall. The audience ‘oooooo’s’ in surprise of this twist.

SYDNEY:
Hey Chad.

CHAD:
Hey. Sup?

SYDNEY:
Just waiting on my Aunt to take us to the dance.

HOPE:
(Laid out on the sofa)

Hi Chad. Don’t come near me, I ate some very very old cheese and I smell like a septic tank.

SYDNEY:
(EW!)
Mom!

HOPE:
What? I genuinely do.

SYDNEY:
(To Chad)

Do you want a soda or something?

CHAD:
Sure.

Sydney and Chad go into the kitchen to get a soda. Faith comes down the stairs in a new outfit, she’s ready to hit the town.

FAITH:
Ready!!!!!!

She spots Chad in the kitchen drinking a soda with Sydney and does a double take. She almost falls down the stairs. She takes a deep breath and whispers:

FAITH:
(Whispering)

Hope. Hope. Is that….. Sydney’s date to the dance?

HOPE:
Yea. Chad.

FAITH:
(She does another big shocked comedy take, then)

I’m gonna have to change.

She runs up the stairs in a classic Kelly Rippa tizzy as we go to commercial.

TO BE CONTINUED

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One Comment on “Sitcom Fan Fiction: HOPE AND FAITH (Part 2)”

  1. Seth Aaron Says:

    i love the hope and faith ‘episodes’ you’re doing, lol. They’re even better than the designing women ones! i’m a tv fiend myself, and the other day, i discovered ‘chico and the man!’ omg, it’s amazing. it’s IMPOSSIBLE to find- i could only find 3 episodes online, and the only dvd you can get is a 6 episode “best of” kind of thing like they did with ‘alice.’ anyway, here’s the pilot on some asian language website- go to the link and it’ll just play.
    http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/rFgJ76OF4UM/
    i was so taken with it, i went on ebay (looking for people who had a vhs copy of the series or something) and ended up getting a chico and the man refridgerator magnet. pretty rad 🙂


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