Lately, I’ve been eating a lot of biscotti from Amy’s Bread. They’re under a dollar and delicious. Hazelnut with citrus and pepper is the best. I also like taking the one block field trip over there during the day. It is, admittedly, sometimes…. most times…. the only time I leave the house but thats a whole other story filled with lots of issues I need to work out and way too many streaming Netflix options. I’ve begun to trust the dependable taste of the zesty biscotti and hot coffee in the afternoon. It’s familiar and comforting.

The other day I noticed a little boy, not more than ten or eleven…. in line ahead of me buying a few things. I was struck by his independence and maturity. He got his baked goods and quietly left. Strange…. I thought to myself…. that a little boy of his age would stop into Amy’s Bread all by himself at 4 in the afternoon to buy such an assortment of goodies. Where would he take them? Oh New York and your wacky upbringings.

Then again, yesterday….. I was in line, and ahead of me, was a different young boy. Around the same size and age as the one from a couple days ago. This boy spoke in a pronounced New York accent, had that kind of city kid attitude, and held a list of different items written on the stationary of what appeared to be a fancy hotel or apartment complex. What a life he must lead. Trust funds and ivy league connections. Sunday brunches at the Waldorf and he didn’t know any different. To grow up in New York. Middle school on the upper east side: ‘My Mom is the producer of ‘Rachel Ray'”- ‘Oh yea? My Dad owns CBS’. So wait where you grew up you didn’t have turn down service? NO BUT I HAD A BACKYARD, ASSHOLE!!!!!!

The kid was bossing the bakery workers around…. ‘Did you get the Oatmeal raisin cookie? What about the carrot cake? Ah! Come on man! You can’t forget the carrot cake!!!!!’ He had an attitude but a funny edge…. like Robert De Niro in ‘Analyze This’ but as a little boy.

I was tickled by him as he handed his American Express card over and signed the receipt. It was adorable. Simply adorable. I gave a look back to the older woman waiting behind me….. get a load of this, my smirk said…. I shook my head with a big grin like…. Ah, maybe I WILL be a father someday after all.

They handed over the two bags and asked if he needed something bigger to carry them in. He said he’d be fine and then began to barrel his way through the crowd out the door. I stood behind him, chuckling to myself, attempting to bond with everyone in the bakery, desperate for some sort of connection I suppose, my eyes met the cashier, and I laughed:

‘God! Thats a little boy in charge!’

I chuckled and shook my head, the way an amused Dad would while talking about the wacky birds his family saw at Bush Gardens in Tampa, Florida: ‘And this one bird, flies up onto the guy’s shoulder and says SHOWS OVER FOLKS! Cutest thing I’ve ever seen!’

‘He’s got some spunk!’ I added loudly as the cashier poured my coffee.

The cashier’s face faded and it got quiet in the bakery. I looked over at the door, just in time to see the little boy leaving…. realizing…. for the first time…. he wasn’t a little boy at all…. but a little PERSON.

I turned the shade of red worn by Dolly Levi when she returns to Harmonia Gardens.

I had that crawl inside my butt hole and die feeling.

I don’t know if the guy heard my rant, or noticed my bemused grin, I don’t know where he went, or who ate the carrot cake and who got the cookie… maybe he’s immune to noticing such things…. but everyone else in the bakery gave me a strange look, a pity look, a stern look, a judgemental look, I took the biscotti and left.

It tasted the same. Zesty and dependable.

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4 Comments on “Littler.”

  1. jamie Says:

    netflix created a whole race of hermits when they added the instant watch option.

  2. Jared Thorson Says:

    Oh fuck!!! I hate it when that shit happens!!! There was one time when I was working and an African-American couple came through my checkout line. I was being polite and just smiled and started to speak and without even a thought in my mind I asked, “how are you people doing today?” and just kept smiling! Suddenly my smile just deflated and I became red in the face and it hit me.. “you people”? I couldn’t think of anything better to say? WTF? Luckely they didn’t act as though I offended them. I’m not racist or ignorant in any way, shape or form. Just a silly case of not thinking before speaking on my part! Oops!!

  3. Hannah Says:

    This is definitely one of those things that happens to everyone, but that no one wants to talk about… Thanks for being brave enough to share!

  4. Emmanuel Says:

    funny. i passed by peter dinklage on saturday afternoon as i walked into chocolate bar.

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