all those zombies. won’t they just leave me alone?


I watched ‘I Am Legend’ tonight. For the first time. Because for me its always 2007. I really dug it. I’d always heard I would. Sorta like Wall-E with zombies and Will Smith’s hot arms. My kinda movie.

I keep thinking about who I’d most like to be stuck with in a post apocalyptic virus infected New York City defeating zombies and I haven’t made up my mind yet. I suppose the obvious choice would be someone smart enough/strong enough/brave enough to protect me/them but like- do I REALLY want to spend the next ten? twenty? forever? years with some brilliant scientific war hero who MAY or MAY NOT be fun and interesting? Not really. Unless, of course, he had the kind of arms Will Smith has in ‘I Am Legend’.

If you ask me, you ought to think outside the box when it comes to picking your sidekick in a zombie infested nation. Why NOT Suzie Orman? Why NOT Craig T. Nelson? Why NOT the little tiny lady from ‘Poltergeist’?!

Look. I’m not saying Suzie Orman’s unique skills of money management and being totally fierce are gonna protect you from the zombies but what I AM saying is- sure she may not be the obvious choice but I don’t think you should rule her out.

I’ll be honest…. Craig T. Nelson was really just a throw away joke (and it was the second draft- originally I wrote that line as Joey Fatone and then I was all- Joey Fatone?! Thats too on the nose- Craig T. Nelson- now THATS comedy) but the truth of the matter is- Joey Fatone would probably be better at dealing with zombies than Craig T. Nelson. Sorry, Craig.

But who would I rather spend all that time with?

The guy who recorded ‘Bye, Bye, Bye’? Or America’s favorite sitcom coach, Craig T Nelson?

Exactly.

The little tiny lady from ‘Poltergeist’ is not a bad idea. Is she still alive? I guess it doesn’t matter if she isn’t because she already proved she can talk to the dead and stuff. I feel like she could use those communicating skills with talking to the flesh eating zombies and be like: “GUYS, chill out and stop eating everybody’s flesh…. this is realllllllly getting old.”

But maybe, in the end, Will Smith really is the guy you want to be with. I mean, obviously- he’s got that winning smile and killer bod throughout the whole thing…. plus he’s smart and has almost figured out a way to fix everything (not unlike Suzie Orman, of course). There’s the whole post traumatic I talk to mannequins stuff the character has to deal with but besides that I guess Will Smith might be the best choice.

I don’t know what kind of reviews ‘I Am Legend’ got back when it came out but I know this….. if you held a gun up to my head right now and demanded I choose being the last two people in a zombie infested earth with Suzie Orman, Craig T. Nelson (Joey Fatone), the little tiny lady from ‘Poltergeist’, or Will Smith? I’m pretty sure I’d say Will Smith.

And thats why ‘I Am Legend’ is a good movie.

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One Comment on “all those zombies. won’t they just leave me alone?”


  1. Sadly, the tinly little lady from ‘Poltergeist’ died recently. I’d go with Will Smith, but only if he agrees to be more flexible sexually.


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